The Perfect (wo)Man!

O homem perfeito! Quando várias pessoas tentam persistentemente encontrar algo, sem sucesso, que quer isso dizer?
Que não existe? Que não há que chegue para todos os que procuram? Que somos talvez demasiado exigentes e perfeccionistas quando nós próprios somos imperfeitos?
All of the above?

O que eu acho é que nos focamos tanto no que "tem de ser" que não vemos mais nada à frente, inclusivamente matches que podiam ser "o tal".
Eu sou completamente a favor da perfeição e de tentarmos estar na melhor situação possível, aliás, de longe antes só que mal acompanhada. Mas como todas as obsessões, they cloud your vision, so be aware!
Mais do que o que eu penso que é ideal para mim, eu adoro ser surpreendida! Adoro quando algo ou alguém por quem não dava nada me surpreende e mostra ser uma tremenda revelação. Gosto das coisas simples, que me fazem vibrar. Adoro descobrir pequenos tesouros nas coisas do dia a dia, nas pessoas do dia à dia.
Havia alguém que dizia que a verdadeira felicidade não é querermos mais, mas sim sermos felizes com o que já temos... Na minha versão, a felicidade é não só querermos mais, como também sermos felizes com o que já temos!

Resumindo: não fechem os olhos, às vezes o que queremos está mesmo à nossa frente (mascarado ou não) e nós corremos tão depressa à procura daquele ideal que corresponde ao que pensamos ser o perfeito que nem nos apercebemos que já o ultrapassamos! (E depois claro... multas por excesso de velocidade!)

Um outro aspecto relevante prende-se com a questão da Alma Gémea, do verdadeiro e único amor! How shall I put this..? It's bull! :) Não, sinceramente, não acredito NO amor perfeito, NAQUELE homem que só ele me pode fazer feliz! Acredito que como em tudo na vida há graus, acredito que há aquele amor 100% que é o que nos pode fazer mais feliz, mas acredito que podemos ser bem felizes com um 90% ou até um 80%! Mais, acredito que parte do amor cresce e é construido, sem que isto tenha nada a ver com conforto, atenção.
Acredito também que temos uma capacidade ilimitada para amar. Eu posso garantir com toda a certeza que as pessoas que amei até hoje, as continuo a amar. A todas elas (neste caso eles). Claro que não é o amor que tinha por eles enquanto estavamos numa relação, o amor (é outra das coisas fantásticas) transforma-se, mas a verdade, é que, pelo menos eu, a partir do momento que amo, there is no turning back. Ficam no meu coração para sempre e ama-los-ei para sempre!
Efectivamente há Almas Gémeas, eu chamo-lhes 100%, e tomara que toda a gente encontre a sua, mas é importante não esquecer que um 80, 85,90% podem sempre tornar-se num 100% ou num 101%. A verdade é que nada é garantido... Quem me garante que não eu toda feliz da vida com o meu 100% e me aparece um 101% à frente? Ah pois é...
Pessoalmente falando, sou uma pessoa extremamente fiel. Acredito em que há O TAL, mas acredito tambem que nunca saberemos se a pessoa com quem estamos é o tal ou não, mas que sinceramente isso nao interessa para nada, desde que te deites e acordes feliz da vida, e sorrias cada vez que pensas nele ou falas nele. O que sentes é o importante, o resto é conversa :) É assim como na religião e nas crenças: se acreditares, então é verdade. Mas esse é todo um outro tema para outro post!

Agora vem a parte divertida! O MEU homem perfeito:

1 - Tem de ser inteligente acima da média, e isto é mesmo ponto assente. Jamais vou conseguir estar com alguém que não me traga nada de novo, que não me ensine! Não há nada que me cative mais do que estarem a ensinar-me alguma coisa.
2 - Tem de ser inteligente o suficiente para querer aprender comigo também. Adoro ensinar, se uma relação para mim é principalmente uma partilha de muitas coisas, partilha conhecimento é uma das mais importantes.
3 - Não gosto de homens demasiado bonitos, irritam-me. A beleza esterotipada está ligada a perfeição, à simetria, eu não gosto disso, não me traz nada de novo! Gosto de um homem com feições fortes, definidas, a cheirar a cavalo (tou a gozar!!!). Ou seja, tem de haver ali traços que me puxem (olhos, maos, labios, linha do maxilar) mas aqueles homens lindos de morrer nao fazem nada por mim, deem me defeitozinhos sff!
4 - Tem de compreender o meu amor pela comida e pela arte de cozinhar. Há alguma coisa mais sexy que cozinhar? Preparar com cuidado, misturar, ver a fusão das cores, dos cheiros, das texturas, do paladar? Quantas actividades conhecem que despertem mais sentidos que cozinhar? Para mim cozinhar é como fazer amor... Não me vou alargar aqui, façam as vossas ilações, mas o meu homem perfeito tem de adorar passar umas horas na cozinha a cozinhar comigo, a cozinhar para mim ou a cozinha em mim.
5 - Não gosto de bananas, nem de tipos insensiveis. Ou seja, um meio termo, não pode chorar mais que eu (eu sou a maior chorona que possam imaginar) mas também não pode ser um porco insensível! Tem de conseguir aguentar o barco quando me vou a baixo, mas também tem de saber que não faz mal derramar uma lágrima de quando a quando. As lágrimas são excelentes comunicadoras, nunca se esqueçam disso.
6 - Procura-se ambição! É preciso saber crescer e querer crescer. Parar é morrer. A educação é fundamental e um bom emprego, bem remunerado tambem.
7 - Musica!! Pronto, se nao conseguirmos ouvir a mesma musica no carro, nao e um bom pressagio! Nao digo que tenhamos de gostar de TUDO, que tenhamos de partilhar todos os gostos, mas temos de ter muita coisa em comum! Como diz o Rui Veloso: "não se ama alguém que não ouve a mesma cançaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaao!".
8 - Que me faça sentir unica, especial e que está mesmo feliz de estar comigo.
9 - Que seja extremamente físico, adoro mimos, adoro ser mimada, não vivo sem isso.
10 - Tem de gostar de viajar! MUITO! Tem de querer poupar trocos para aquela viagem e tem de adorar a impulsividade do "querido vamos passar o fds a beja?", agarra numa muda de roupa e sair!

E pronto, por hoje fico por aqui! Mas tenho a sensação que esta lista vai ser actualizada com frequência ;)

Loving life Ana signing out!

Kiss kiss

so many things

Há dias em que parece que tenho assim um milhão de coisas para dizer. Especialmente à noite, quando estou quase a ir, mas ainda estou deste lado, lembro-me de mil e uma coisas para dizer, surgem-me mil ideais e tenho epifanias extraordinárias! E ali, no conforto do edredon digo a mim mesma: "tenho de escrever isto no blog, assim que me levantar, vou logo escrever isto, vai ficar tão giro"!. No fundo acho que tenho a perfeita noção de que sei que se não me levantar ali e agora me vou esquecer de tudo, mas aquele quentinho sabe tão tão bem :)

Há fases na nossa vida em que nos sentimos parados e outras em que as coisas acontecem tão depressa que nos apetece mesmo ter um botãozinho de controlo. Eu não ando particularmente inspirada, ando assim um pouquinho à deriva, aliás tenho a sensação que Portugal inteiro anda assim! Projecção? Talvez!

Mas se não vejamos: "gripe A? Ah não não, isso a mim não me apanha! Quando *ATCHIM* acontecer eu vejo a tempo e então protejo-me!". No trabalho no outro dia pedi para abrirem as janelas, até porque a tipa que está ao meu lado no intervalo contou a toda a gente com um sorriso que tinha estado em contacto com um miúdo que tinha gripe A... As pessoas ficam "A sério?! Ai meus deus! tu tem cuidado!!", mas as janelas continuaram fechadas... Percebem? Eu não. E pronto, os dias vão passando até a gripo atingir proporções alarmantes em que todos vão reagir da mesma maneira "Epáaaaaaaa já viste a gripe que anda aí? bolas.... Podiam ter avisado pá... é tipo epidemia, realmente as coisas neste país não funcionam, se tivessem avisado a malta tinha-se protegido, é... é... a culpa é do governo parvo do Sócrates!" (O meu pai se vê isto e pensa que estou com o Sócrates dá-lhe uma coisinha má! Paizinho, isto é só uma sátira, não feches na máquina de lavar, tá?". Resumindo e concluindo: evitem espaços fechados, se espirrarem, espirrem para o vosso braço e se virem alguém assim com um ar adoentado, reportem às autoridades!! ;) Entretanto, comprem lá a máscarazinha e o frasquinho do alcool, o ministério da saúde prevê que até ao Outono, 25% da população esteja infectada!

Eu por agora me vou, ainda não dei uso à passadeira hoje e convinha tomar banho antes de ir para o trabalho! Beijinhos!

delays delays - The Bad Side

I dont know if Im goign to be able to write anything tonight, I have exaclty 12 minutes for this, because then it will be 23 and I will have to get up at 6:30 to go to work. Time here has this double feature where it goes really slow but it also flies. So much has happened, Ive been meaning to tell you so many things, but I never seem to find the time/courage to sit in front of the pc and just do it. Mostly because all thats been happening to me is pretty bad and unlucky. First week here, my hand develops a cist, so hard and coming out of my vein in my hand that i couldnt move it without immense pain. Went to the hospital, they gave me a cream, didnt work, went to a private doctor indicated by my landlord that gave me an ointment, black one smelling like the black thing roads are made of? (forgot the name) and it slowly started to unswallow... We got to the conclusion I have had a trombosys, the vein or part of it, died. That made me loose 5 days of work (which I discovered today, they cut off my pay check, even with medical justification). Next I was sitting happily at home and I hear a noise, I decided not to make a big deal out of it, later I went to the window randomly and noticed the back window of my car was crashed... Some eye witnesses saw a couple of kids playing with rocks near my car and the rock that broke the window was actually inside the car, luckly the insurance covers it, and the police here were sweet hearts and helped me to get the carglass guys to come here to my door and assemble a plexyglass provisory window... later when my dad was here we replaced it for a new one. A few days after my dad calls me saying that my credit card had been hacked... someone in portugal used it to buy stuff from FNAC and losumundo in a total that rounded 2000 euros, the good guys from UNICRE found it odd and contacted him, that contacted me and it was luckly declared as fraude and no money even got to leave the credit account. Last but not least, the day my dad arrived for a visit I was presented with a marvelous and terrible cold, that hasnt left me yet. Appart from that Im hating the work im doing at the moment. And this is it, I cant really write anymore right now because I need to go to be for one more day of slavery tomorrow.
What I can say is: there have also been happening some good things, and I will make sure I will write a post about it very soon. This is as we say in portuguese a "desabafo". Things arent as bad as they seem here, or at least they arent as bad that I cant take them and grow and learn from them. But let me tell you, If what doesnt kill you makes you stronger, Brussels is to me what spinaches are to Popey!

Signing off with a smile and the promise of a new post soon!

Your Ana :)

late reaction

Hello!

First of all Im sorry for my late reaction here, but these first few days have been really difficult. I have internet and TV since thursday, one week tomorrow and that came to help in my loneliness a lot. Yet, this is not being the wonderland I thought it would be I feel very lonely, with the need of social interaction and I miss my dad terribly. Other then that I started missing a lot the ppl that have always been there at a few Kms distance of me and that I didnt see regularly, god knows why! Now that Im far away I miss you a lot and I wish I would have spend more time with you (god its only 6 months ana, is not the bloody end of the world). Anyway, it is being rough on me, first time on my own and i had to choose another country, where I barely speak the language and I know no one, Im starting to think I rushed a little bit into it, but what done is done and Im defenately going through with it. Besides, if so many of my friends did it, Im sure I can too.
Keep in touch people, your little messages brighten my day in a way you wouldnt believe.

Logging off to go to the doctor and check my hand (thats a whole new post), sending you all a whole lot of love,

Ana

P.S.- I still need to update you on a lot of new things, like the shocking differences in belgium and what has already happened to me in this short period, so keep your eyes on the blog ;)

waiting for the interwebz

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH for crying out loud I need a decent keyboard111 damn cyber cqfes thqt hqve third world keyboards where I cant type11 just a little note to let you know i, fine and the server provider scheduled a visit to my house for thursday so hopefully from then on ill be able to qctually update the blog and talk to you all my loves :) meanwhile my belgium number is: +32470045725 feel free to use it, I are the lonely11 and btw its kindq ironic but in this post everyti,e you see 1 its meant to be an exclamation mark but it is just not working11

Logging off to go make a stew and missing you all like hell,

Ana

hell driver...

Where do I start, where do I begin?

From... the beggining maybe. So yesterday after ive written here i went to meet my dad so we would have dinner, originally the idea was to go out to a restaurante and eat something, but we were so so so tired that sitting in a restaurant behaving was the last thing on our minds. We love the simple but good foods, so we went to the local supermarket bought some magnificent bread, some presunto, some goat cheese, some fresh juicy tomato and iceberg salada as good looking as it gets; to that we added some nice green olives with anchoves filling and the cherry on the top of everything: a great red wine! Meal of champs I tell you, dont remember the last time food felt so good and so fufilling :D Here it is for all you lovers of simple, great food, hoping you wont drool too much over your keyboard!

You could then say, it was the perfect beggining of a good night, right? Wrong! Daddy and me decided to share a room, instead of the 2 rooms we normally get when we travel, but i thought, what the hell, its just to sleep not a vacation, we dont need anything special... 23:00: Ana, ana, ana... NOOB! Did you forget how your dad snores?!?! So ok... dad's snoring, I can deal with it, I can get used to it and still sleep. 23:30: *moviments on the bed* *puurrrrrrrrrrrr* *bump, bump, bump* *PUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRR* So Xanga wants cuddles, right, its ok, I mean she is used to them and she is in a new place, agitated and all so, pat pat pat, now go to bed :) 01:00 *jump over the desk* *jump over me* *chase some invisible rat under the beds* *bumps into something* hummm.... I need to lock her in the bathroom or ill never sleep. 01:10: damnit its too hot and saturated the air in the bathroom not good for her, let me open it just enough for it to circulate but enabling her to open the dor and get out, lets say... an inch, the door is heave, should work. 02:30 *jump on my back* *PUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRR* Ok so clearly she has super powers and can open heavy doors, this is not going so well. This time, im looking you insised your transporting box and keeping you in the bathroom with the door wide open. 02:45: *RASP RASP RASP* she is trying to open her box, but she will realise she cant and drop it. 03:30: nop, she does not understand she cant open it and she stills goes on... f**k it, im opening the box and she will eventually get tired and go to sleep and then I can sleep too, brilliant. 4:00: *dad snores like a pig* *cat jumps around* Ok ana, try to focus on your breathing, what better time to try mediating other then now? breathe RRRRRRROooooooooonc in... breathe *jump jump jump* out, rinse and repeat, youll win this. Last time I looked at the clock it was 4:49, I woke up at 7:00 for another 700km today. Considering all this, I think I managed to look ok, eye bags and swallen face aside, I kept my trade mark, my smile ;)



From Burgos, Spain to Angouleme, France was probably the worse journey ever: way too many trucks, trucks that didnt realise they were trucks and so they decide to pass eachother ocupating the left lane of a 2 lanes road, make all the rest of us wait for like, i dunno 10m until they were able to finish the manovre, raining like hell, too much for an unexperienced driver such as myself, and the last 100km (out of +- 650km) were done behind a huge line of trucks which translates into doing it at 80km/h.

When I got to the hotel I could barely move but i still managed to go to the restaurante, eat a hot meal, go tot he supermarket buy some nice food for Xanga, talk to some friend online and write this humongous post.

Now all I want is a shower and my bed!!! Yes because tonight Im staying in a single room alone, with a double bed and xanga is spending the night at my dad's room!

Tonight I sleep!

Logging off with love and yawns,

Ana

P.S. I arrive to Belgium tomorrow, so I have no idea when will I have internet again. If it takes me a while please dont think I forgot any of you, because I never would :) Anyway I will log on a cyber if anything else, to keep this updated :)

Objective Burgos, Spain: CHECK!

Ok so first 700km are done, I must say it wasnt as tiring and long as I was expecting, i think the trick is in starting early in the morning, as anything after lunch time, becomes harder ;)

Was a good ride, I managed to create a good traveling little spot for my girl which was what i was more afraid of: her reaction. But she was always calm but attentive and she drank and even ate during the journey whenever we stopped and offered her foodies. Right now she is exploring the hotel room, after running to her sand box as soon as I assembled it when we arrived ;) Good kitties hold it in not to get owner's car dirty, she should get some hams for that!!



"Want in in my presidencial suitez? Give hamz... and MAYBE Ill consider it *licks paw*"

So me and dad had the most delightfull meal of tapas, with pork, peppers, octopus and tortilla, with the delicious spanish baguette which was great for the mood (damnit now that I think of it, I should have taken pictures of it so you could drool *evil*) And OMG is the gas cheaper here! Filling up the tank its less 15 euros in total!! FIFTEEN euros!!! can you believe it?

Anyway, other then that, I must admit I was ok when I arrived here but the tiredness is hitting me now, big time! I think I am going to have some relaxing read wine and play a bit with Xanga to try and make this stressing journey a bit less stressing! Ill leave you 2 pics to show you this new condition of mine: driver!!








Logging of with back aches but full of hope,

Ana

The time is now

Althought it seemed Ive been doing it for the past week(s), it took me to the very last minute to pack. But its done. 4 bags + laptop + bag of cosmetics, dont think its too bad for 6 months giving my girly condition!

Im dead afraid. Im so scared of this new reality where Ill be depending on myself, in a country I dont know, with a language I dont speak. Ive been going through some odd transitions of really wanting to go and really looking forward to it and feeling extremely excited, to feeling like canceling it, imagining worse case scenarios and wanting to curl up in a shell and forget this idea ever took place.

Without realising I find myself looking at my dad's room, its my safe spot, the spot where everything is possible, all problems are solved and there is always room for a new chance, a new beggining, another try. Funny how in these kind of situations you over analyse the little things and discover whole new meanings in them.
I think i will miss my bed, and my bath tub. God Im speakign like its the end of this... Its only 6 months ana, stop the drama!

But the truth is, I feel is so much more then an internship, I feel is so much more then "only" 6 months abroad, Im sure its a new stage of my that its about to begin, adultness. And now its... official. Im so scared. Im so excited. I need to just get it over with.

And oh well, its 00:14, I gotta be up by 7:00 to be on the road by 8:00 and try to reach my first destination (Burgos) by 19:00 the latest.

Logging off with cookies and love,

Ana